Dude Skills Part II: Social Dexterity

Greetings,

This second installment in the "Dude Skills" series will address an area in which almost every male can better himself in some way: Social Dexterity.

Social Dexterity: An Explanation
Although my mind is ready to attack the topic like a two year old demolishing a cake, I realize that a brief extrapolation of the term "social dexterity" is indispensable for proper comprehension. (For those with a more limited vocabulary: an explanation of "social dexterity" is needed so you can understand the rest of this post). Simply put, social dexterity is the ability to recognize differing social scenarios and behave accordingly. This does not mean that dudes change who they are depending on the situation. Rather, they are like social chameleons who are constantly aware of their surroundings and simply behave according their environment. This relates directly to the dude principle of balance - in this case, balancing formal and proper manners with informal and less "polite" behavior. I shall refer to these two sides of the social dexterity coin as "social grace" and "social disgrace."

Social Grace:
Often times, males are criticized for being overly vulgar and tasteless - and rightly so. Most men have no concept of how to behave in public. They do not comprehend the understand the difference between the theater and the cinema, the symphony and a rock concert, or a fine restaurant and "Benny's Butt Busting Brew Hut." (And for you non-dudes out there, yes - there are differences between ALL of these). Social grace is the ability to behave in formal and proper situations. They know what to wear, when to speak, what to say, how to address their company, and the difference between a salad and dessert fork. Dudes can be perfectly mannered, sweet, charming, and courteous to those around them. A dude knows how to escort a woman properly and treat her with respect (more on this topic in the future). In summation, a dude can handle himself politely, confidently, and with poise in even the most formal of situations.

Social Disgrace:
Most men have no problems in this area. There is however, a portion of the male population that simply cannot grasp the concept of relaxation and having a good time. I contend that these men are just as anti-dude as the brute who tells a Hellen Keller joke at a fundraiser for St. Mary's School for the Blind. In fact, I contend that there is a time for men to just relax and BE MEN. This time is almost always when women are not present. Women (and very proper men) need to realize that dudes have an innate need to mock and insult each other, make best friends feel like idiots, and play bloody knuckles until their hands look like inflated medical gloves. To a man, telling his buddy that his nostrils resemble pirate caves (full of treasure of course) is the equivalent to a female telling her best girlfriend: "you can trust me - I understand." Therefore, overly prim and proper men need to learn how to turn down the formal rigidity, loosen up and chill out with their fellow dudes.

Timing: The Key to Social Dexterity
One of the most important factors in balancing social grace and social disgrace is the concept of timing. All great dudes have an impeccable sense of timing. They don't simply blurt things out or act recklessly - they wait for the perfect moment. Perhaps an example would clarify.

A dude named Chester was recently married and is now going to his in law's for his first Christmas as a married man. Herold, his father-in-law, has always been nice to Chester, but their relationship has always been very formal - "yes, sir", "no, sir" type of interaction. It is Chester's goal (as a dude) to develop this relationship into a less formal, more enjoyable friendship. While having Christmas dinner, Chester notices that Christmas goose is very dry and tough. A brilliant joke enters his mind making a comparison between the fowl and his mother-in-law using the word "tough old bird." The joke insults both his mother-in-law AND her cooking - a very risky move. Chester knows however, that the joke would be HILARIOUS and has the potential to lighten his relationship with Herold. What should poor Chester do?

Chester, being a dude, should realize that the joke would NOT go over well at the dinner table and that Herold would be forced to side with his wife in such a public setting and in front of his children. Thus, Chester should wait until after dinner and begin talking about the meal with his father in law. He should attempt to bring up the goose by saying "I've never eaten a goose before - that was very unique." If Herold responds with, "Yeah, uniquely dry." then Chester should proceed with his joke. Otherwise, the comment is too risky to be voiced. This illustrates the concept of timing and how the same behavior can be considered either proper, or improper based upon the social scenario.

The concepts of social dexterity is a critical skill for all dudes, and although it is difficult to develop, the payoff is always worth the effort.

Dude out,

-C.R.