Singleness: The Value of Your Own Company

In 2010, I lived by myself in a one-bedroom attic apartment in the Bloomfield neighborhood of Pittsburgh.  It was my first experience living in a city - a huge change for a kid that grew up constructing tree houses and ambling all over an expansive eight acre backyard.  Oddly enough though, the most common question my friends and relatives asked was not "How's city life treating you?" but rather "Isn't it weird living alone?" or "Are you doing okay with living by yourself?"  Living alone was tough at first.  But not wanting to appear weak or needy, my answer was always that I was doing fine and enjoyed having my own space.  Over the course of that year, I learned to appreciate and value being alone.  As many single people know, relationships with family and friends are crucial to living a meaningful and happy life sans romance.  To their detriment however, many single dudes fail to realize that being alone is just as important as maintaining relationships.

Being Alone Is Not Weird

Individuals who spend a lot of time by themselves are often perceived as antisocial recluses who distance themselves from others because they cannot cope with the pressures of interpersonal communication.  Conversely, people with thousands of Facebook friends and a jam-packed social calendar are considered "well-adjusted."  Oftentimes however, those who feel as they must always have company are the least well-adjusted, requiring the presence of others for security and value.  Being alone, while often avoided, is actually a normal and vital part of single life.

The Value of Your Own Company

We engage the world differently when we're alone.

When in the company of others, we tend to engaging those people in conversation, taking our focus away from the activity at hand.  Take for instance, the activity of hiking.  Group hiking is about spending time with friends, whereas hiking alone permits the hiker to fully engage the wilderness around him without the distraction of other humans.  This past winter, I went on a ski trip to Mammoth Mountain by myself.  I noticed that I was more inclined to engage strangers on the lift, speak with other skiers in the lodge, and engage strangers in line than I would have been if I had company. Overall, I felt more open to experiencing and interacting with my environment because I wasn't centering my attention on another person.

Being alone instills social confidence.

Spending time alone instills an inner confidence and security that translates to social security (ha! double meaning!).  Those who are confident enough to experience the world on their own often develop a strong confidence to interact with others.  The more situations I handle by myself, without the security of family or friends, the more self reliant and poised I am in unfamiliar or uncomfortable social situations.  Thus, intentionally spending time alone can actually inform and enhance social interaction.

It is possible to spend too much time alone, and like any other pursuit, balance is key.  In our society however, I think that spending time alone is undervalued and under-practiced.  Single dudes should take advantage of the freedom single life provides and discover the benefits of doing things solo.

Dude out,

-C.R.