Dudes Etc. 2010 Hate List

An editorial from the Editor in Chief of Dudes Etc.

In a culture that values choice and diversity as much as ours, we are often inundated with options. While these options can be beneficial, they can also cause mental paralysis when attempting to make decisions. Thus, I believe listing our likes and dislikes is beneficial because it can make us cognizant of our preferences and help with decision making. Knowing what you hate and love (and why) is one of the first steps to "knowing thyself." I have found that periodically listing my likes and dislikes has given me a better understanding of the motivations behind decisions I make. Thus, this post will steal a page directly out of Oprah's playbook by presenting:

The Dudes Etc. 2010 Hate List

1. Fedoras - Wearing a fedora IS making a "fashion statement" - a statement that screams "I'm desperate for friends." You are not Justin Timberlake or a 1930s journalist, so take that ghastly thing off.

2. Stepping in liquid while wearing socks - There's nothing worse than ruining a fresh cozy pair of socks by stepping on a melted ice cube or spilled milk.

3. Riding in the back seat - The lack of air conditioning, lack of ability to interact with the front seat, and poor visibility all combine to make a lousy travel experience. Its almost as if auto makers took everything we hate about riding in airplanes and recreated the experienced in the back seat.

4. Facebook Applications - Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't give a crap between pirates and ninjas, and if I get one more notification that someone found a cow on their farm, I'm going to embark on a digital cattle slaying rampage.

5. The catchphrase "Legit" - This abbreviation is ambiguous and pointless. For instance, when I say that I found twenty dollars on the street and I'm going to keep it, responding with "That's legit" is very confusing.

Other top runners included: Pine sap on clothing, drinking warm water, and sweaty feet.

Dude out,

-C.R.

Dudes Vs. Posers

There are not many things that rub me the wrong way more than posers. (I just now realized how odd the expression "rub the wrong way" is in regard to humans). This post is to decry the antics and tactics of posers and reveal their shallow need for acceptance and attention.

Poser: one who adopts the characteristics of a group (or multiple groups) in order to gain acceptance.

The very idea of "posing" is antithetical to dudedom because Dudes are always true to their own beliefs and opinions. Here are some ways in which posers are anti-dude.

Posers are willing to compromise values - Dudes stick to their guns on issues that matter.

Posers mimick those around them - Dudes think for themselves and do what they want.

Posers often act differently depending on the group - Dudes never try to be someone they are not.

Posers base their actions on what others will think of them - Dudes act on personal values.

Posers copy - Dudes create.

A Quick Glance at Poser Stereotypes

There are several standard flavors of poser, and although not everyone who acts or dresses in one of these ways is a poser, a great deal of posers fall into these categories.

1). The Gangsta Poser - Typically a white kid who tries to pull off "hard" but only successfully pulls of "tool." Two messages for you Gangsta posers out there: first - don't call me "nigga". Second, as much as you try, you will still be white.

2). The Prep Poser - Common in middle and high school, this is more of a garden variety poser who is convinced that brand name clothing increases coolness. Simply put, wearing Abercrombie jeans doesn't make you cool any more than putting frosting on a cow patty makes it a cake.

3). The Rebel Poser - Most of the time, these authority-hatin', bad attitude totin', fight-pickin' individuals have no reason to be ticked off - it has just become their modus operandi. In my opinion, if you've got issues its best to get it out in the open, or forget about it. Pouting around like a 2 year old who didn't get its way is a total chump move.

In other unrelated news, Dudes Etc. is now accepting suggestions for future posts and answering all your questions from a Dudes perspective. Simply submit ideas/questions to dudesetc@gmail.com.

Dude out,

-C.R.

Dudes & Don'ts

This post will be short and sweet. I have concluded that there are somethings that a dude should never do (or should seek to never do). Without further introduction, here is the list.

1. Don't Act or Speak without thinking. It is important to consider the consequences of actions and words before doing or uttering them. Dudes make the effort to act and speak intentionally.

2. Don't Judge others. People with overly judging and critical tendencies can be exhausting. Dudes worry about themselves and let morons be moronic.

3. Don't Wear makeup. Enough said.

4. Don't Brag. Dudes are always doing something cool - but they never boast about their accomplishments.

5. Don't Quit. Persistence and dedication are valuable dude qualities, and dudes do not quit out of frustration.

Simple - but easier said than duded.

Dude out,

-C.R.

Dudes & Duds: Guy-delines for Dress

As someone who has grown up with multiple sisters, I have witnessed firsthand the incredible effort and time the opposite gender invests in their appearance. I do not intend to bash girls for their preoccupation with clothing, makeup, and hair - in fact it is quite appreciated. In stark contrast however, men often fall short of even the most basic standards for clothing and style. I pondered attempting to alter this trend with theories of skin tone and seasonal color schemes, but these concepts torture my structured male brain waves into a mangled heap of confusion. It is my opinion that these guides were schemed long ago by vicious feminists in a dark room seeking to concoct something incomprehensible to the male mind and thus assert their superiority (or at least equality). Needless to say, they succeeded.

But do not be discouraged my brethren, for even without the knowledge of olive skin tones and autumn color schemes (emphasis on SCHEME), it is possible to dress stylishly. I have simmered down my extensive knowledge on the subject into a list of guy-delines that are simple enough for even those on the fringes of dudedom.

General Guy-delines for Dudelike Style

1). Know the Code

It is imperative to know the appropriate dress code for the social situation. Several simple rules for those just recently leaving their cave include: Weddings require a suit coat, hats are not to be worn in church or at the dinner table, jeans with holes are not formal. In short, figure out what the proper attire is for the occasion, and wear it.

2). Be Yourself

This guideline is for the guys who try to wear something they saw a celebrity wear. Newsflash: Nobody man looks good in girl pants. Another newsflash: White men should not try to be black - it looks foolish. Okay, I'm done lashing out. But seriously, if you are a stocky guy, you won't be able to pull off skinny jeans - try loose or bootcut. I acknowledge that dudes are a diverse demographic, but it is critical to wear what you feel is "you." I think you get the point.

3). Don't Dress for Attention (but be ready for it).

One of my dude pitfalls is mocking guys who look dumb. Let's be real though, some people make it WAY to easy. In my opinion, people who try to break trends with oddly colored hair, more than 10 piercings, or dressing like a stripper are simply seeking attention. Sometimes it can take more self confidence to dress so that you do NOT stick out. But dudes, always dress in such a way so that if you become the center of attention, you look good.

4). Don't Cross Styles

There are a plethora of "styles" in which to dress. You can dress like an athlete, musician, artist, or simply just a normal dude. Whenever you select clothing to wear, make sure you do not mix styles. For example, do not wear Chuck Taylors with gym shorts, or a scarf with a hooded sweatshirt. It just looks dumb.

5). Get a Second Opinion

If you are unsure if something matches or looks okay, find another dude and ask him. Dudes typically do not care about hurting feelings - they would rather be honest so that their friend doesn't end up looking like a baboon.

Lastly, although not a rule - it CAN be helpful to ask a girl for assistance. Even if you can't understand her reasoning, her conclusions are generally trustworthy.

Dude out,

-C.R.

Dudes & Bros Part II: The "Oh Hey!" Stage

Last week, Part I focused on the "Hey" stage which described general techniques dudes use to meet other dudes. This week's post centers around how dudes develop that friendship and take it to the next level without creeping each other out.

Classic Mistakes

In order to help non-dudes and minimal dudes become more dudelike in their approach to friendship, I have decided to outline several classic mistakes that repel full blown, pure bred dudes.

Over Excitement

This mistake is the most common among young males aspiring to dudedom and in situations where dudedom is unequal. When one male (Quincy) meets another male with more dudelike qualities (we'll call him Liam), Quincy tends to over pursue the friendship. This can be done through frequent invitations to hang out, excessive Facebook commenting, and a physical pursuit that is almost magnetic. Such behavior on Quincy's part will result in Liam feeling as if he has an unwanted crush, and he will undoubtedly initiate evasive maneuvers.

Poor Timing

When two equally dudelike males meet, the potential for friendship is high. An ill-timed proposition however, can trash a relationship worse than a 'coon in a kitchen. Examples of poor timing include asking a dude if he thinks a girl is attractive in front of his current girlfriend, referencing a private conversation in public, and accusing a dude of flirting while his mother is present.

The "Oh Hey" Stage

This stage is characterized by unintentional and unplanned interaction. Two dudes having previously met, will often gravitate toward one another in social situations. "Oh Hey" relationships exist because dudes prefer to be with other dudes, even if they know very little about them. Examples include two recently acquainted dudes sitting together in a cafeteria, two dudes sharing a cab, two dudes working on a school project, or standing by the punch bowl at a lame dance. Because the dudedom of both males is no longer in question, they can enter the interaction with confident assurance that they are understood.

Dude out,

-C.R.