Dudes & Duds: Guy-delines for Dress

As someone who has grown up with multiple sisters, I have witnessed firsthand the incredible effort and time the opposite gender invests in their appearance. I do not intend to bash girls for their preoccupation with clothing, makeup, and hair - in fact it is quite appreciated. In stark contrast however, men often fall short of even the most basic standards for clothing and style. I pondered attempting to alter this trend with theories of skin tone and seasonal color schemes, but these concepts torture my structured male brain waves into a mangled heap of confusion. It is my opinion that these guides were schemed long ago by vicious feminists in a dark room seeking to concoct something incomprehensible to the male mind and thus assert their superiority (or at least equality). Needless to say, they succeeded.

But do not be discouraged my brethren, for even without the knowledge of olive skin tones and autumn color schemes (emphasis on SCHEME), it is possible to dress stylishly. I have simmered down my extensive knowledge on the subject into a list of guy-delines that are simple enough for even those on the fringes of dudedom.

General Guy-delines for Dudelike Style

1). Know the Code

It is imperative to know the appropriate dress code for the social situation. Several simple rules for those just recently leaving their cave include: Weddings require a suit coat, hats are not to be worn in church or at the dinner table, jeans with holes are not formal. In short, figure out what the proper attire is for the occasion, and wear it.

2). Be Yourself

This guideline is for the guys who try to wear something they saw a celebrity wear. Newsflash: Nobody man looks good in girl pants. Another newsflash: White men should not try to be black - it looks foolish. Okay, I'm done lashing out. But seriously, if you are a stocky guy, you won't be able to pull off skinny jeans - try loose or bootcut. I acknowledge that dudes are a diverse demographic, but it is critical to wear what you feel is "you." I think you get the point.

3). Don't Dress for Attention (but be ready for it).

One of my dude pitfalls is mocking guys who look dumb. Let's be real though, some people make it WAY to easy. In my opinion, people who try to break trends with oddly colored hair, more than 10 piercings, or dressing like a stripper are simply seeking attention. Sometimes it can take more self confidence to dress so that you do NOT stick out. But dudes, always dress in such a way so that if you become the center of attention, you look good.

4). Don't Cross Styles

There are a plethora of "styles" in which to dress. You can dress like an athlete, musician, artist, or simply just a normal dude. Whenever you select clothing to wear, make sure you do not mix styles. For example, do not wear Chuck Taylors with gym shorts, or a scarf with a hooded sweatshirt. It just looks dumb.

5). Get a Second Opinion

If you are unsure if something matches or looks okay, find another dude and ask him. Dudes typically do not care about hurting feelings - they would rather be honest so that their friend doesn't end up looking like a baboon.

Lastly, although not a rule - it CAN be helpful to ask a girl for assistance. Even if you can't understand her reasoning, her conclusions are generally trustworthy.

Dude out,

-C.R.