Singleness: Introduction

The Plan

I was supposed to meet the love of my life during my junior year of college.  Her name would be Angela.  We'd be introduced through a friend or in a class and start dating a couple of months later.  My friends would all be jealous (because Angela was insanely attractive), and her friends would rave about the " gorgeous kids" we'd have.  She and I would grow closer throughout our senior year, and the summer after graduation I would plan and execute the most heart-felt and creatively romantic proposal in the history of love.  We'd get married at the Garden of the Gods in Colorado surrounded by our families and friends, and ride off to our honeymoon in a hot air balloon with the word "Forever" on the side...

The Reality

Now I'm 26 years old. Single as ever. I have had a few minor excursions down the dating trail, but for the most part, I've journeyed on the singleness highway my entire life.  Hmmphf.  I sure wasn't

expecting that.  At first, the single life confused me, but in five years since my life diverged from "the plan," I have uncovered many truths about myself, about life, and especially about living as a single adult.  The next series of blog posts will focus on how to be single, and how to do it right.  First though, I think it may be helpful to outline a few somewhat counterintuitive truths about being a single dude.

1. Relationships don't make us men.

Our culture often equates a man's maturity to his relationship status.  Regrettably, this fallacy can deceive single men into believing and behaving as if they are not "true" adult men.  A few years ago, I heard a speaker on the radio chastising young men for being single.  I was curious and turned up the volume.   My rage was instantly ignited when he shouted that a man is not a man until he fulfills his destiny by entering marriage and starting a family.  With all due respect Mr. Ignorant Man, my identity as a man is not dependent upon a wife and children.  While getting married and having kids are two of the manliest life pursuits, they are not a rite of passage ritual that legitimizes a man or makes him an adult.

2. Singleness shouldn't be passive.

We all know the stereotypical scene: a scruffy pre-man in disheveled clothing, lounging atop a tower of filthy laundry with a PS3 controller, fingers stained orange from the last Cheetos binge. If this is you: cart loads of dude shame be upon you. Defining singleness as merely the absence of a relationship is narrow-minded, and limiting.  Being in a relationship with a girl is an active state of living that requires effort and intentionality.  Living as a single adult is the same way. Doing it well takes work, effort, and purpose.  Life does not start when you get a girlfriend, it is happening now - and there are things we should be doing as single adults.  It is time to take responsibility and ownership for our lives as single men and quit slouching around for a girl to get us into gear.

3. Singleness is an opportunity, not a problem.

Imagine for a moment what you would do if someone paid all your expenses for a year.  Backpack across Europe? Learn ice carving? Take guitar lessons?

Visit every ballpark in the US?  Most people would not approach a year of financial freedom as a curse, but as a wonderful opportunity.  This is the perspective we should have of the single life.  It is something for which to be grateful.  Something exciting and invigorating that should be taken hold of and lived with intentionality, with purpose, and with drive.  But, similar to a year free of bills, the opportunity of singleness can be easily wasted.  Singleness is often squandered in pursuit of frivolous and childish aims that reek of selfishness, pride, and self-gratification.  This is not merely regrettable, but an appalling travesty.  

So that, my dudely companions, is the impetus for this series - to spark a new culture among single dudes that recognizes the purpose and value of singleness, challenging them (and myself) to live intentional, meaningful lives regardless of our relationship status.

Dude out,

-C.R.